MARY : John says I'm pretty. Wilson says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
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BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
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GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
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GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
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1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
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5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've
failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's
performance repeated".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of
ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've
treated. The others all died".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
and at the same time."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've
failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's
performance repeated".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of
ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've
treated. The others all died".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
and at the same time."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
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